Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
