you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
