Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
