I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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