I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
