I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
