Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
