By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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