Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
