And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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