Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
