there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
