She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
