Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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