i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
