He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
