Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dicks are not precious.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
