Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
