You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
