I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There r osticjed everywhere
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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