She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
