New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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