DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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