my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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