I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
