He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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