he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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