It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I love you. Go after that dick
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
