how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
