You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
