i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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