Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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