ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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