That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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