it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We're too hungover to prance.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
