i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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