We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
