i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
