But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
