I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
