you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
