If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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