I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
