uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
