remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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