You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
