brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
