hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
