i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
