k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
