waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
soo... how was my night?
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