Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just had sex on a roof
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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